Cheerleaders are disgusting!

Shawn and I were sitting watching a Bronco game today with Saul. Here's some of Saul's commentary:

"I don't like the cheerleaders. They are beskusting! They always show their belly buttons...that's gross! And their butts are beskusting!"

Anger

I have this occasional feeling. And if you ever ask, I'm sure I'll tell you all about it.

That said, it's a thing that very seldom comes, but when it arrives I recognize it's terrible, ugly face. And though recognition may be a step toward change it holds no power. So today held a nasty feeling...a feeling that immediately felt familiar...despised even, and yet I had no control over it's coming or it's staying for my entire Saturday. Goodbye Saturday, September 12, 2009. You are a day lost in time. I hope to not see you again for some time or even ever.

To Foster...Or Not To Foster...

The phone rang tonight at about 9:30. It was Jen..."Guess what Em! We got a baby girl!". Foster baby that is! Her name is Gennisee and Jen and Dan are very excited! (And I can only imagine Natalie and Paige are too!) I feel equally as pumped as I feel myself getting the itch once again...

Which leads to my constant inner struggle...

I always wonder if fostering and adopting is a pull that I'll always have regardless of whether or not it's the right time for our family, or if there's a greater meaning behind the timing of the tug inside me.

Either way, here's where I'm at!...I am continually grateful for the beauty of my life, my family. Shawn and I are so happy...which I know is no "given". (And could change at any moment.) I try not to take for granted the wonder I find in watching Chance, Helen, and Saul play, explore and laugh...the pleasure I find in relaxing hand in hand on the couch with Shawn at the end of a busy day...the meaning I find in working with people at the hospital. My life is so full...God is good to us.

So for now I'm so very excited for Jen and Dan as this phase of their lives finally begins...will be in constant prayer for the sweet, unfortunate kiddos that come through their home...(as well as the inevitable one or more that will stay!!)...and no doubt will have my heart wide open for the day that Shawn and I feel we're ready to "go there" and do some fostering of our own! (And Shawn, you know I ALWAYS think I'm ready!)

Go get 'em Jen and Dan!!

Saul's Adoption Moment...

One night this week while tucking Saul in for the night he was unusually "huggy"!  By the time he'd said he loved me for the fourth time I started to think he might be looking for some rare one on one time together!  

Here's how I began:  "I love you too, Saul!  I'm so glad I have you...Did you know Mommy and Daddy picked you out?  We wanted you to be ours forever!  Chance and Helen were in Mommy's tummy when they were babies, but we got to choose you!!

Saul:  "Why were Chance and Helen in your tummy?!"

Me:  "Because they were mine and Daddy's babies, but we got to pick you out and we decided we wanted you to be ours forever!"

Saul:  "Did you buy me?!!!!"  (Huge smile!)

Priceless!

Saul's cut hand...

Saul's ok...pretty bad though! I had broken a vase and put the pieces in a cereal box to take out, then forgot to...totally my fault...it didn't occur to me that he would think it was cereal and reach in with all his force apparently behind it. I was trying to load everyone in the car with one hand while keeping the wound closed and was doing ok until I couldn't get the car started without having to let go of his hand...our neighbor showed up just then and jumped in the car saying "I'm coming with you!"....so we made it to the ER...numbing....toy story...x-ray....stitches....and....he'll be alright...no swimming for half of the summer, but his tendons were ok! When we got to the ER Saul said "My owie squirted like a water fountain....like a blood water fountain!". Shawn measured the spray in the kitchen...it was five feet from where he was standing! That's the story!

Green couch, no hair

So. I'm walkin' through Macy's and what do I decide I want to take home with me? Not clothes, jewelry or a new purse...but a sweet, green leather couch! Ha! Needless to say, it's still sitting in Macy's, looking oh so cute and begging me to take it home! Sad. (Oh, and the "no hair" thing? I just cut off almost a foot of my hair for locks of love! A bit scary...I'm still trying to recognize myself! I hope that soon a little girl will be out there somewhere looking oh so pretty in my hair!)

Crazy Feeling...(Chance's great day!)

Do you ever get the feeling that this life couldn't possibly be yours?? That feeling comes at me often and is always accompanied by a strong emotion. Not a particular one...it can range anywhere from crazy-frustrated to crazy-content with a myriad of choices between! Today it was crazy-hope! Hope for a future of more days like it. Hope that life with a family really can have that "feel good movie" kind of feeling to it. Hope that as parents we really can influence who our children become...and that they, and we, can actually enjoy the process! And that crazy-hope, as you can imagine, led to all kinds of other great feelings...the strongest of all being an overwhelming contentment. As I watched my oldest son being wild and crazy and free in our very own backyard, with three neighborhood boys right along side him, those were the feelings that struck me. It really is quite possible to find yourself in a place where you feel happy, free, fully content, with no need to search for that next thing, place, experience, or feeling. No matter how fleeting, how few or far between...these are the moments that make this phase of life oh so complete. These are the moments that offer us crazy-hope for the future!